


bang bang, he oneshot me down

by sciderman



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Clowns, Injury, M/M, Making Out, Mild Hurt/Comfort, One Shot Collection, Temporary Character Death, writing prompts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2018-09-02 22:53:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 10,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8686522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sciderman/pseuds/sciderman
Summary: A gathering of spideypool oneshots from writing prompts.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "You disgust me to the point where looking at you makes me physically ill."

“Could you… _not?_ Please?” 

Peter’s lips were pressed into a small line, and worry creased his brow. Wade absolutely hated having to look directly into those brown, pitying eyes. 

“What?” 

“Could you not––” Wade’s voice sounded a little pained, hands gesturing vaguely at Peter. Big hand gestures, like Peter were far too much for him to quantify. “Do that. That thing you’re doing. With your eyes. On me. Your eyes, looking at me.” Wade placed a fingertip on Peter’s cheek, forcibly turning it to the direction of the New York skyline in front of them. “Quit it.”

While Peter’s head turned to face the lit windows of the skyscraper opposite, his eyes darted to side eye Wade. Wade could only grumble in response. 

“You know I don’t mind, right?” 

“I mind.” Wade said abruptly.

There was a cold pause. Just what Wade was banking on.  

Wade looked at the lights from the building opposite distractedly, before his gaze turned downwards, to the tired fabric he’d been running through his fingers. His mask. Just as he was about to put it back on, to spare the city another glance at his stunning visage, Peter spoke up.

“Don’t.” 

Peter’s voice was small. Wade couldn’t refuse, despite not even being sure whether it was meant as an order or not. 

“I… just… I don’t know what you’re expecting from me, Wade.” 

“I don’t know, probably the old ‘ _you disgust me to the point where looking at you makes me physically ill’_ conversation”, his facial expression sold it as a joke, but the shake in his voice made clear that it wasn’t. “That usually pops up, this point in a relationship.”

Peter was quiet for a beat. Wade had expected that.

“You know, I’ve seen some pretty gnarly things in my time,” Peter spoke, “I’m talking _ugly_. Like, _make-your-own-mother-cry_ ugly. _Nightmare_ ugly. Ug- _lee_.”

Wade tilted his head, one eye squinting at Peter, skeptical. 

“ _Gee_ , I feel so much better.” 

Peter placed a hand on Wade’s shoulder, which Wade justifiably raised an eyebrow at. 

“Point is, this  _‘disgusted to the point that looking at you makes me feel ill’_ conversation you’re anticipating? Not going to happen.” 

Eye contact. Wade could only shrink away from Peter’s honest features. 

“Try selling that to me again on a full-stomach, sweetheart” said Wade, with a toothy grin, which might’ve been convincing, if his eyes hadn’t given him away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "Ouch! I...I think I heard something snap..."

“I–– I think I heard something snap.” 

“My spine, I think it might’ve been my spine.” 

Deadpool twisted his body, and the motion was accompanied with a great number of very sickening snaps, crackles and pops. Spider-man grimaced, plain to see even through the very expressive bug eyes of his mask. Which, by the way, he needed to take off, as soon as he got out of here. Preferably immediately. He shuddered, feeling the grime of days worth of city trash soak through to his skin.  

“Well, as far as second dates go, this is pretty gr––” Spider-man threw both hands over the mercenary’s mouth. Wade continued his speech, muffled, but otherwise completely undiscouraged. Peter inwardly groaned. 

Thankfully, in all his dealings with Deadpool, Peter had found he has the uncanny ability to tune out Wade’s mumblings. Peter upturned his head, listening intently to the goings on outside the two’s current nest in the dumpster. 

All seemed quiet. Peter withdrew his hands from Wade’s mouth, relieved to find Wade had finished talking. Wade only looked at Peter quietly. Peter’s initial relief turned into a feeling of awkwardness. 

“I’m _fine_ , by the way.” Deadpool said, a little bite to his voice. 

“What?” Spider-man mumbled ungracefully, “Oh. _Oh_ , your spine. I’m sorry. That’s good.” 

Peter swallowed. Suddenly aware of how tight this space was, and how Wade and he had been breathing each other’s air. The dumpster smell was rancid. Peter felt light headed. 

Deadpool was quiet. Almost frozen. He looked at Spider-man expectantly, like he were waiting for his cue. It was safe to return outside, but the two remained, moments more. Peter spoke up, lungs burning a little.

“I didn’t mean for you to get hurt.” 

Wade’s masked white eyes widened. 

“I’m–– I’m sorry. I know I get–– ruthless with you.” Peter continued, sincere. “I–forget, sometimes. That you feel everything.”

“It’s okay––” Wade tried, voice a croak. 

“It’s not. You’re a teammate, and–– healing factor or not, I’ve got a responsibility to make sure you don’t get hurt.” 

Wade was in silence for a few seconds, before he spoke up, in wonder. 

“Aw, gee, Spidey,” Wade said, “I’m touched.” 

When Wade’s expression turned smug behind the mask, Peter could sense it. 

“Come to think of it, I do have some boo-boos in serious need of a kissin’––” 

In that second, Deadpool was thrown right out of the dumpster. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "I demand cuddles."

“I demand cuddles.” Wade said firmly, standing at the end of the sofa. 

“What are you, twelve?” 

“Twelve, and hug-starved.“ Wade held out his arms, faux-desperation straining his features. “Give a child what he needs. I may die without it, and _you’d_ be the villain of all those Christmas TV specials.” 

“You can’t die.” 

“You really willing to leave that to chance?” 

Wade’s lip trembled. He was a good actor. 

Groaning, defeated, Peter shuffled up to make room on the couch. 

“Get over here.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "Your hair's messed up. Here, let me fix it for you"

When Peter came to, he shocked awake suddenly. Instantly regretting it, when his head swooped and span in a dizzying ache. He groaned, a hand being brought up to nurse his temple.

It wasn’t his own hand.

Peter threw himself backwards, shoulders hitting a wall. He sharply winced when that unsettled something in his lungs. Did he break a rib?

When he could focus his vision enough, grimacing, his eyes made sense of the red and black blur in front of him.

“Hey, stranger. You okay?” Deadpool said, his soft hoarse voice something of a comfort to Peter.

Definitely concussed, then.

“You get the number of the truck that hit me?”

“Jesus, Spidey. What were you, dragged feet first through Hell?” Deadpool’s voice sounded a little panicked. For some reason, Peter found that thought funny. He’d laugh, if he weren’t so close to choking.

Peter coughed out the air in his lungs, gargled with something else. He hoped it was phlegm, not blood. The lighting was too poor to tell.

“Sounds like an ordinary Tuesday.” Peter quipped, after gasping in some clean air. Deadpool’s hands were up to nurse Peter’s temple again, raising his head enough for him to get a good look. Wide, masked eyes studied Peter’s features. 

“Man, and I thought I was ugly”, said Wade, voice high with concern. Peter, a little slow on the uptake, froze under Wade’s gaze.

“My mask.”

It was barely a whisper, but the panic on Peter’s face was plain to see as his vision darted every which way, hands feeling the gravel around him, as if he’d dropped his glasses.

“Easy, Spidey.” Wade said, hands anchoring Peter by the shoulders. Peter’s frantic breaths leveled out,  looking at Wade,  face to mask. “It’s fine. You’re fine. No offense, but I have no clue who you are. You could be any one of millions of white boys New York. Heck, maybe even a few girls.” Wade’s tone was soft, and grounding. “Yeesh, what a mess.”

“Me?”

“No, your hair. It’s all messed up. Here– let me–”

Wade’s gloved hand moved to Peter’s forehead. Peter gave a small flinch, senses dialed up sky-high with all the adrenaline in his system. A little bit of the tension escaped from his shoulders when he closed his eyes. Wade unstuck sweat and blood-soaked locks from Peter’s forehead. Peter would’ve attributed it to the dizziness, but something about it was soothing. 

“You look like a toilet brush.”

Peter let out a shaky laugh.

“Feel like one, too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "Why do you always do that?"
> 
> Based on [ask-spiderpool](https://tmblr.co/m0hO4vJaxSjA3HLn2m1QNxA) posts, [here](http://ask-spiderpool.tumblr.com/post/141347157428) and [here](http://ask-spiderpool.tumblr.com/post/141409029668).

“Why do you do that?” 

“––Huh?” 

“Why do you always wear your mask to sleep?” 

A second of silence. Wade swallowed, shuffling out of their comfortable canoodle, to look down at his bedfellow. Peter looked up at him with inquisitive eyes. 

Peter often begged for honesty, in whatever relationship it was that the two had.

Wade didn’t always appreciate the constant efforts Peter made to break down every wall he’d erected. 

“Sound cancelling.” Wade said, cooly. Peter looked unconvinced. “Also does a great job blocking out morning light, which your blinds do a _terrible_ job at, by the way.” 

The two sat, crosslegged on the bed, facing each other. Wade struggled to fight off the gaze of two deeply focused brown eyes that seemed to be declaring war on him. 

“Really?” 

Wade knew what was coming. There’s no point, with Peter, there’s no point. Any front he’ll put on, Peter’ll tear down in an instant. Wade closed his eyes, compliant, as he felt the weight shift on the bed. 

Peter knelt close. 

 _Close enough to touch_ , Wade thought, balling his hands into fists, as Peter peeled off Wade’s mask in one slow movement. 

One slow movement, and his barrier was gone. He had to go up against Peter’s sharp brown stare, defenceless. Their eyes met for the briefest of moments, before Wade’s turned eyes downwards. 

“…I hate having eyes on me.” Wade’s voice was naturally unsteady, but when Wade spoke this quietly, it wavered on every word. His expression, which Peter could hardly make out because Wade’s head hung so low, was pitiful. “…’specially when I’m unawares.” 

Peter felt like his heart was breaking. 

An overwhelming want–– _need_ to reach out for Wade. To grab him, and pull him close. His fingers curled tight in Wade’s mask, which he fussed with in his hands. He looked down, to empty eyeholes. 

There was so much. _So much_ he needed to say. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "I am NOT blushing!"

“Wade. This is a stealth mission.” 

“Yes.” 

“So.” 

“So?” 

Spider-man’s patience for dealing with Deadpool was always in short supply. 

“So _where_ is your stealth suit?” Spider-man all-but yelled, whisper raised to a harsh volume. 

Deadpool looked at Spider-man like he were being absurd. He threw his hand down to his thigh, slowly bringing it up to gesture to all of him. 

“This is the best dress I own.” 

Spider-man was close to exploding. He whispered furiously. 

“It’s very nice! Wade! but I don’t think it’s––” 

“I thought since we’re playing spies…” Wade said, fingers toying with the edge of his black cocktail dress. It glimmered in the moonlight. Looked like silk. Peter swallowed, fingers twitching. “I’d be your Bond girl.”

“We’re not––” Peter felt hysterical, face burning. His voice raised from his whisper, breaking. “We’re not _playing_ spies! This is a serious––”  

Security glanced over their way, and Spider-man grabbed Deadpool, knocking them both to the ground. Deadpool squealed. 

 _“Oh! Spider-man!”_ Deadpool gasped, sounding scandalised. “You know I’m not that kind of girl.” 

Peter groaned, braced above Wade. Peter’s thought process was caught between being frustrated at Wade for being insufferable, and being mortified at how embarrassing this whole situation was. 

To make matters worse, Wade’s dress felt just as silky as it looked.

Struggling to force words out of his slightly agape mouth, Peter settled with an uninspired _“Shut. Up.”_

He pulled himself up off of Wade, fast. Wade seemed entirely amused.

“Looks to me like someone’s _blushing_.” 

One of Wade’s fingers tickled at Spider-man’s masked neck, which was immediately slapped away. 

“I am NOT blushing!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "Quiet. They can hear us."

“Quiet. They can hear us.” 

“Oooh~ Never pinned you as such a naughty little––” Wade’s mouth was smothered by Peter’s palm, voice cut off in a muffled whine. 

“Shut up. Shut up.” Peter said, fast and hushed. 

For a moment the two were perfectly still, Pete’s wide eyes darting between Wade, and the closet door. Peter’s features were twisted, teeth worrying his bottom lip. Wade thought it was adorable. 

The brief silence faded, as the conversation on the outside of the closet resumed. Peter let out a sigh of relief. 

“I am _so_ getting kicked off the Avengers.” 

“Mmm, _nah,”_ Wade hummed, hands hooking around Peter’s neck to bring him in for another kiss. “They love you too much.” 

 _“Mm”_ , Peter wittily responded, unease slipping from his shoulders. He broke away, voice a whisper against Wade’s mouth. “That’s what you think. You should’ve seen the death threats Nat texted me when I accidentally sent her that sext.“

 _“Accidentally?”_  Wade made a face Peter immediately wanted to hit. “Let’s be real, you surviving that experience is proof enough they love you. If it were me, there’d be several vital organs I’d need to kiss goodbye.” 

Peter snorted, lips pressing warm against Wade’s again. His hands were travelling down Wade’s torso, letting slide appreciate hums as his palms groped hard muscle. “I don’t know about goodbye, but I can certainly think of _one_ organ I’d like to kiss hello.” 

Wade opened and closed his mouth, breath leaving him in a wheeze. 

“That is the most unattractive line of dialogue I have ever heard”, he finally said. 

The two looked at each other intensely. 

Peter was the first to break down into a fit of snorts, Wade joining him immediately, the two absolutely and utterly failing to to hold back their laughter.

“We can hear you”, came a banging at the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "It's just a cut, really."

“It’s just a cut! Really!” Deadpool insisted, the pitch of his voice swimming just as his head was. 

“You’re bleeding out”, Spider-man’s voice was high with panic, arms an anchor around Deadpool’s shoulders. “Just–– sit down, for a second.” 

Deadpool’s legs welcomed that suggestion, giving out underneath him. His body was folding up like a telescope. Spider-man was quick enough to catch him before his knees hit the ground, slipping a hand under them to carry the larger man, other hand resting firm on his back. 

If Deadpool weren’t so lightheaded, he’d have inevitably remarked on how _romantic_ this ordeal was, and Spider-man would’ve inevitably reminded Deadpool that typically nobody loses this amount of blood on a first date. Deadpool would beg to differ. 

Spider-man gently set Deadpool down a place where he could sit upright, Spider-man’s wide masked eyes examining Wade’s injuries with noticeable concern. Spider-man’s breathing was sharp and fast, his whole body moving with it, shoulders raising with every inhale. 

“What do I do?” He asked, making an effort to steady his voice. 

Wade choked a little, dizzy, and entirely unable to focus on Spider-man sitting before him. 

“A…” Wade slurred, head resting back against brick wall, eyes gazing lazily to the sky. 

Spider-man leant in close, listening to Wade intently. 

“…A kiss would be great…” 

What Wade got was a punch in the arm. 

“Yeesh! Agh! Okay, okay––” Wade whined between snickers, “Pouch left of my belt buckle. My emergency kit. Also a handwritten note that says: “Lighten up, Webs.” I ain’t _dyin_ ’, y’know.” 

Peter’s voice was small and croaked. 

“…Yeah, yeah. I know”. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "So... What are we now?"

“So…” 

“So…?” 

Wade shuffled in the bed, turning to face Peter with big, soft eyes. 

He entwined their fingers together. 

“So… What are we now?” 

Peter looked at Wade, an eyebrow raised. 

“What are we?” Peter echoed, slowly, as if he were trying to determine whether there were some kind of trick to this question. “Do you… Do you want me to break-down the situation for you?” 

Wade only stared at him, child-like intrigue on his face. 

“Well, we’re both in a bed”, Peter considered. “The same bed.”

Wade affirmed with a hum. 

“And we’re both naked”, Peter continued. 

“Yes.” 

“And we’re holding hands.” 

“That we are.” 

Peter paused, for consideration. As if to cancel out any doubts, Peter added for good measure: 

“And we fucked each other last night. Really good.” 

Wade’s only response was a long, drawn out hum. Wade’s hands under the sheets ran up Peter’s torso, following the line of Peter’s stomach. His eyes were still searching Peter’s, waiting for an answer. 

Peter was going to make this last. 

“We’re homies.” 

“Peter!” Wade exclaimed, he sounded appalled. “Oh, Peter. I think we moved past homies by the second blowy.” 

“Partners in crime?” 

“Now that’s limited to up-to and only until the sixth make-out session.” 

Peter couldn’t help but grin, Wade grinning right back. Wade’s wandering hands found Peter’s chest, one thumb rolling a nipple. Peter shivered, lips parting in a gasp which were soon met with Wade’s. The two moved together in a breathy, open-mouth kiss, lips warm and slick against each other. 

“…We’re well past our sixth.” Peter finally said, voice hoarse, head a little dizzy.

Wade was perfectly smug. 

“Gal pals.” Peter said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on Tumblr!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "Thank you, I really wanted someone to throw up on my shoes."

“Get it together, Wade.” 

Wade groaned, utterly failing to pull himself up from his new gravel-laiden home. His suit was shredded, and he would’ve insisted he’d lost at least two limbs completely, considering he’d lost all sensation in them whatsoever. 

“Try bein’ a ragdoll for the fuckin’ Hulk, and see if yer still whistlin’ Dixie.” Wade spat. 

Peter dodged a very well-aimed green fist, in the nick of time, landing light on dainty feet. Every bit the opposite of Wade Wilson, who landed hard on undainty face. For every bit that Wade admired Spider-man, he also hated him. 

“ _Razzafrazzin’ grumble grumble_ , prissy show-off, _grumble_ ”, Wade complained.

Finally done with kissing the dirt, he pushed himself up off the ground, being sure to detail the entire process by taking registry of every bone that seemed to be broken. Getting to his feet wasn’t made easier by the ground rattling when the Hulkbuster finally appeared at the scene, Wade was already having difficulties finding his balance. 

Just before Wade stumbled, a firm arm came under Wade’s shoulders to keep him upright. Another hand placed on his chest helped the merc stand straight, though he still wobbled. 

“You okay?” Peter asked, voice full of a genuine concern that Wade very rarely heard directed towards him. 

Wade couldn’t respond, head far too rattled. 

Peter tried again, “Wade. Are you going to be alright?” 

Before Wade could form words, his body folded fast. Wade hurked out the contents of his, clearly abused, stomach, all over Peter’s feet. 

The mask expertly hid Peter’s horrified expression. When Wade finally looked up, after several bursts of bile passing his throat, Spider-man’s lensed eyes looked perfectly serene. 

“Thanks.” Peter said, dry. “I really wanted someone to throw up on my shoes.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "I'm sorry, did you say something?"

“Listen, I know we’ve had history. Some of it – not so great.”

“Mhm.” 

“I know I’ve kind of… not always treated you with all the respect you deserve, Wade. I know that. I’ve been short with you, and I haven’t been acknowledging how much progress you’ve made. As a person.” 

“I know.” 

Wade didn’t look up at any point. Peter felt uneasy, scuffing his foot on the ground. 

“And – well – through all the time we’ve spent together… And I really need you to hear this, okay? I need to get it off my chest. Through all the time we’ve spent together, you’ve really – changed my… perspective. On things. On a lot of things.” 

“That’s good.” 

“I’ve had to rethink a lot, about what I thought of _you…_ of myself…” Peter’s knees wobbled. He wanted to run away. But he stood firm. “And I – I finally feel like I can say it. I can admit it aloud.” 

Why wasn’t Wade looking at him? Peter’s clenched his fists, posture straightening as he interally proclaimed “Fuck it.” 

“I’m bisexual. And I think I’m in love with you.” Peter blurted, loudly. 

For a while there was silence. Wade still didn’t look up, until he let out an exclaimation of “Ah, fuck.” 

It wasn’t until then that Peter noticed the very quiet music playing. He traced it to the phone in Wade’s hand, display bustling with colour. 

“Hm? I’m sorry, did you say something?” 

Peter felt like he were going to explode. 

“Seriously? I put my heart on the line here, and you’re playing _Candy Crush_?”

“I just – can’t get past this lev–” 

Peter didn’t hesitate, kicking the phone straight out of Wade’s hand. The two watched distantly as it fell down 12 storeys. 

“I had an hour unlimited lives.” Wade said, smally, finally looking at Peter. He frowned severely. “Bad man.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "Harder"

“Harder! Oh, _oh baby_ , give it to me harder!” 

“Could you try sounding lewder, please?” 

“Mmm, oh, oh, oh _god_ , harder. _Yes_ , I’ve been so naughty. I need it harder, baby. Give me all you got.” 

“Oh, yeah. That’s more like it. Mm, tell me how you like it, baby.” 

“Angle it just a bit–– just–– ah! Right there. Right there baby, give it to me hard. Don’t hold back.” 

“Dude, I could break you, you need me to hold back.” 

“Come on, baby, don’t be a p––” 

Snap. 

Wade looked down at the wooden panel in his hands, completely snapped in half. His eyes went wide. 

“Well, fuck.” 

Peter looked at the broken panel, then at the hammer in his hand. 

“You said go hard!” Peter defended. 

“The nail wasn’t going in far enough!” 

“This is the last time”, Matt said, hands firmly over his ears, “I’m letting you two assemble furniture for me.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "You look lonely. Want to talk to me?"

Spider-man didn’t know where Deadpool disappeared to at the end of each of their accidental team-ups. 

Typically, it was a ‘don’t ask, don’t care’ situation. Deadpool, being another of the many New York based heroes, would chime in during the many (bi-monthly, at this rate) alien invasions, super-villain take-overs, and the like. 

He and Spider-man got a few good a few good quips in, a slash, a punch. Spider-man, for all his denial, actually was thrilled whenever Deadpool joined him in a scrape. Brings a little unpredictability to the daily routine. It was great to have somebody to bounce off of; somebody who everyone finds equally, if not _more_ annoying than him. That was a joy, very rarely is Spider-man not the annoyance in the room. Naturally, he thrived on it. 

But when the time came for pats on the back, and post-battle banter, Deadpool was nowhere to be found. 

“He’s busy”, Peter persuaded himself, swinging away from the scene. “Places to be. People to kill.” 

He frowned at the thought, regretting having reminded himself that despite all the help Deadpool’s provided when it came to city-wide catastrophe, he had no idea what the mercenary got up to outside of that. Did he take as many lives as he saved? Peter cringed. Maybe the reason Peter was so glad to see Deadpool in battle was because he knew Deadpool wasn’t making trouble elsewhere. Who knows? Maybe Wade only helped out to ease his conscience. 

“Cut him a break”, muttered Peter to himself. “Everyone is capable of human decency… even Deadpool.” 

As Peter pondered the precise point in his life he actually started _caring_ what Wade did, he caught a glimpse of red and black, looking perfectly lonesome on a quiet street corner. He stood right at the crossing, looking down at his feet, as if they were melded to the pavement. 

“Hey, pal”, Spider-man called, dropping from his line, a fair distance from the mercenary. “You need help crossing the road or something?” 

Deadpool didn’t turn to face him. Spider-man frowned; this was a little slow for Deadpool’s regular response time. 

“Hah!” Deadpool said, a hardness to his voice. “You know, my mom always tried to get me to join the boy scouts.” 

He finally, though subtle, turned to look at Spider-man. 

“Uniforms were too campy for me.” 

Spider-man inched closer, “…You’ve seen what you’re currently wearing though, right?” 

Peter could see the faint quirk of a grin, under Wade’s mask. Peter closed the distance between them, reaching out to rest a hand on Wade’s shoulder. 

“You look lonely” Peter said eventually.  “…Want to talk to me?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "Grab my hand."

“Quick! Grab my hand!”   


“What? No, I’m not holding your hand.”   


“ _Please_ , Pete”, Wade turned to Peter, a desperate frown at his lips. His eyes gestured to a woman amongst the crowd, walking in their direction. She looked perfectly ordinary, but still beautiful. Peter wrinkled his nose. “She’s my ex.”   


“You’re kidding me right now.” Peter said, deadpan.   


Wade moved to stand in front of Peter, obscuring his view. Peter took a step backwards, mainly taken aback by just how large Wade’s body is – an aspect of Wade that Peter often forgets. 

“Don’t stare at her, just – grab my hand.” Wade pled.   


“This isn’t happening.” Peter said, despite allowing Wade to entwine their fingers. The woman grew closer, and Wade’s panic had spread to Peter.   


“Kiss me.”  


The kiss was brief, so brief Peter hardly took record of it until three seconds after it happened. After a moment’s eye-contact that felt more uncomfortably intimate than the kiss had been, Peter turned to catch a glimpse of hair flutter past. She hadn’t even stopped walking. 

“She wasn’t even your ex, was she”, Peter said flatly. 

“You couldn’t tell by looking at her?” Wade scoffed, like Peter were the one being absurd. “Jeez, Pete. She didn’t even have _horns_. It’s like you don’t know me at _all_.”   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “I can’t believe you got your arm stuck in the vending machine again.”

“You’re getting blood on the sheets again.”   


“Mhrrh.” Wade’s articulate reply as he smothered his face in the duvet. 

It was 3am, and Wade had only just gotten home. Peter had already been asleep. Wade missed their shared patrol, and now he was bleeding all over their home. By now, Peter shouldn’t feel the need to ask.   


“What happened.” Peter said. His voice failed to parcel it as an inquiry; it was more of an admission of defeat. He braced himself for the answer. 

“Vending machine.” 

Peter’s eyes were fixed on the ceiling. The room rang with silence. 

When Peter finally turned his gaze to Wade, the expression Wade returned was pitiful. 

“You lost an arm.” 

Peter said it as though Wade hadn’t noticed. Wade looked down at his non-arm too, like he really _hadn’t_ noticed. 

“I was desperate.” Wade eventually said. “This was plan G.” 

“So plans A through F didn’t work out.”   


“Plan H was to carry the machine home with me.” 

“Well,” Peter yawned, turning on his side, “at least the hallway would be littered with packets of m&m’s instead of blood splatters.”   


With Wade’s intact arm he fished into one of the pouches at his belt, lobbing a packet of m&m’s directly at Peter’s face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Wait, my hero’s secret identity is… you? To be honest, I’d always kind of hoped…

“Cocksucker!” 

“Excuse me?” 

“All this _mystery_ – all the secrecy – all the _suspense,_ and you’re just ––“ Wade frantically gestured. “––Justin fucking Bieber under there.” 

“ _Excuse me?”_ Peter raised his voice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: This wasn’t meant to be a date, but we’ve had such a good time and now it’s 2 a.m. and I should really go home…

“Sooo… this is me.” 

“How didn’t I know you had an apartment right in the heart of Manhattan before?” 

“Well, you’ve never followed me home before – and given my reputation, I’ve always taken it as a sign of trust and unwavering friendship that you haven’t.” 

Spider-man snickered, bouncing a little on the heels of his feet. “Uh huh.” 

They’d spent the evening together. It was a slow winter’s night, mid January. Their patrol was uneventful, but there was something comfortable about the quiet streets and he and Wade’s running discussion on whether Shrek 2 truly was better than the first. It’s always something Spider-man tends to forget – just how much fun it is to debate with Deadpool. It was 2am when they reached Deadpool’s apartment block. 

“Soo…This is… goodnight, right? Way past our bedtime. Both of us.” 

“Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah.” Spider-man stammered. “Sure. Night.” 

Spider-man took a step back, about to turn on heel. 

“This was fun.” Spider-man said, stepping back again. “This was fun.” He echoed, again, quieter. 

Deadpool was silent for seconds, trying to read Spidey’s hesitation. 

“You… want to stay over?” Deadpool chirped. “We can get fucked up.” 

“Bad idea.” Spider-man said, immediately. 

Spider-man stood still, considering. Deadpool waited patiently. 

“Bad idea.” Spider-man said again, spreading his hands out in a _no way_ gesture. “ _Bad_ idea.” 

Not entirely sure whether to count that as an answer or not, Deadpool opened the door. “Alright then, Mr Webbed Pants. Good nigh–“ Spider-man had already sped-walked through the door before Wade had known it. “…Mi casa es su casa, I guess.” 

“A _bad_ idea.” Spider-man repeated, already making himself comfortable on Wade’s couch. He filed through a pile of DVDs on the table. “You better have Shrek 2.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "Congratulations! One of your dreams has finally come true. Let me give you a big hug and wow, you’re warm…"

“An Avenger.” Spider-man said, fair distance away. “You.” 

“Me!” Deadpool’s voice rang higher than usual, hands balled into fists that he pumped giddily. “An Avenger! Can you believe it?” 

“Not without great trouble. So, that means…?” 

“We’re going to be teammates!” Deadpool’s leg popped to punctuate the last word. God, Peter wanted to go home. 

“Great. Looking forward to working with you.” Spider-man said, dry, preparing to swing far, far away. 

“So…” Wade began, Spider-man whined quietly. As much as Spider-man disliked Deadpool, he was polite enough not to leave mid-conversation. 

“So.” Spider-man bit. 

“So howsabout a hug for your new teammate? I know you’re proud of me. C’mere. Get in that team spirit.” 

“As tempting as that sou––“ Spider-man started his excuse, to which Wade did not stop to listen. 

“ _Come onnn_. This guy just had his lifelong dream come true. I deserve a hug. Captain America handpicked me for my hugging prowess. It’s the quality of the hugs that make or break teams, Webs. Don’t let the team down.” 

Spider-man looked to the sky, defeated, before dropping from his perch atop the wall to stand before Deadpool. Before the reluctant utterance of _alright_ could pass his lips, Wade’s arms were wrapped around him tightly. Peter immediately tensed in the hold, unsure of what to do. His hands twitched, hovering at Wade’s back, not quite ready to rest there. Wade was perfectly enthusiastic, chin pressed comfortably on the hero’s shoulder, arms clamped around Peter’s back with no reservation. He hummed like this was the most satisfying moment in his life.

A long few seconds passed, and Peter could do very little but think how warm Wade was. His hands slowly found rest on Wade’s back. Peter didn’t know if he was just so touch-starved that it made hugging Wade Wilson – long time nuisance – kind of… nice. If that was the case, boy, Peter _really_ needed to get in the dating game again. 

“You planning on letting me go anytime soon? I mean, don’t get me wrong, Webs, I am _loving_ this, but I’ve got places to be, and…” 

Spider-man pushed out of the embrace, and promptly turned on heel, ready to disappear. Possibly forever.

“Pick up from where we left off next time, _teammate_?” Deadpool cooed, and Spider-man was gone. So, _so_ gone. 

“That’s it,” Peter mumbled to himself, mid-swing. “I’m quitting the Avengers.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “I think you’ve asked that before, but no, I’m not lonely.”

“So, since we’re like bonafide BFFs now, can I get a number?” Wade said, excitedly, pulling out his phone from one of his ludicrous number of pouches.

 _“Uh_ , about that…”

Wade’s enthusiasm fell. “…Right. Gotcha. Not quite at _that_ level of friendship, I get it.” He looked down at his phone. “Facebook?”

“Wade.”

“Right, right. Secret identities and whatnot. Totally get it.” Wade placed his phone back in it’s respective pouch, trying his best not to seem disheartened. He wrung his hands together, fiddling with his gloves. His gaze turned downwards, to the street below them.

“It’s not for the reason you think.” Peter eventually said, after taking in what was a rare silence between the two. “I… I actually don’t have a phone.”

Wade turned to look back to Peter, incredulously. “You don’t have a phone. Spidey. If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard tha –“

“Honest!” Peter threw his hands up, “I lost it in the sewers like, two months ago. I couldn’t afford to replace it.”

Wade squinted, he couldn’t decide whether to believe it. “Two _months?_ ”

“Nobody really calls me anyway, like, only two people have my number.” Peter justified. “I figured I could survive without it.”

“That’s… that might be the saddest story I’ve ever heard. Spider-man, the loneliest bachelor in New York.”

Peter heaved a sigh.

“You get lonely, Spidey?”

“I think you’ve asked that before, but no. I’m not lonely.”

“There’s no shame in feeling a little lonely, Webs.” Wade brought an arm around Peter’s shoulders, bringing him in close. “Especially in a big, big city. Makes you feel so small.”

Peter groaned.

“I swear, I get _so_ lonely sometimes I cry, and then I can’t stop crying, and it’s hours and I’m _still_ crying, and –“

 _“Wade._ ”

“Point is, we’re going to have to go at this friendship the old fashioned way. It’ll be inconvenient, for sure, but I’m willing to put the extra work in.”

Peter rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help a grin.

“So.” Wade said, finally, “Where do I pick you up tomorrow?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "How many times have I told you not to touch my webshooters?"

“How many times have I told you not to use my web shooters?”

“Clearly not enough.” Wade says, from the ceiling. “Really, Peter, I don’t know why you expect anything better from me.”

“I’m not helping you down.” Peter responds, making himself comfortable on the sofa below. “Webbing dissolves in an hour.”

“An _hour!_ ” Wade whines. “What if my nose is itchy? Which it is. It started being itchy the second I said that. Isn’t it weird how you can become itchy from the power of suggestion alone? My ass is itchy. God. My ass is so itchy. Peter!”

Peter flicks the television on, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table.

“Peter? Peter! Please, at least put something good on. Like those TV documentaries about how aliens are among us. Or anything on the syfy channel. Peter. Peter? Are you listening to me?”

Antique shopping. Mm. Peter always nods right off to this. He puts his hands behind his head, resting on the back of the sofa. Long day. He could take a nap. An hour-long nap.

“Peter Parker. You’re the worst, and I hate you.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Peter says, eyes already shut.

“Once this webbing dissolves, I’m going to drop on you. And I’m going to injure you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Wade dresses up as Pennywise as a prank, and it’s the first thing Peter sees when he wakes up.

“Beep beep”.

“Ngh.” Peter groans, hand on instinct throwing itself to his bedside table, slamming on his alarm.

“Beep beep.” It continues.

“Ughhh…” Peter’s hand flails around the table, knocking over a glass of water in the process. He whines, bringing his hand to his face.

“Beep beep.”

Peter peers through a gap in his fingers, noticing the figure looming above him.

“ _Beep beep,_ Spidey.”

Peter throws off his covers immediately, jumping to the ceiling.

“What the FUCK!” Peter all but screams at the man in white make-up and frills sat at the foot of his bed. “What the FUCK!” He repeats, directed at the situation in general.

“Happy halloween, baby boy!”  

Peter could only gawk at the Pennywise-lookalike in his bedroom, mouth agape.

All at once, his expression turns from terror to sheer, unfiltered rage. He launches himself at Wade, knocking the two of them to the ground, throwing soft punches at him.

“Don’t! You! Fucking! Pull! This! Shit! Ever! Again!”

“Uncle! Uncle!” Wade shrieks, “I should’ve done this near a well I could disappear into!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “Do yourself a favor and stop comparing yourself to me.”

“Hey, Wilson”, called out Spider-man. 

“If you’re here to tell me what a reckless, _irresponsible_ teammate I am, and how I’m ultimately a waste of the avengers’ time and money, then please just leave it in a review on my website, or send it to my PO Box. That’s where all the hate mail goes.”

“Actually, I… I came to apologise.” 

Deadpool rose his head a little, looking up at Spider-man from his seat on the curb. 

“I don’t hate you, Wade.” 

“You… don’t.” Deadpool said slowly, unconvinced. He waited for the catch. 

“You and I are a lot alike, you know”, Spider-man said, looking down at him. He gestured at his suit, and Deadpool’s. “…And it’s not just that we go to the same tailor.”

Deadpool inwardly groaned, trying his best to resist burying his head in his hands. 

“Once I was a lot like you,” the hero started, “I was –“ 

“A murderer.” Deadpool said. 

“Well, no, a –“ 

“A victim of circumstance.” 

“Well…” 

“Experimented on. Tortured.” 

“No, I –“ Spider-man swallowed, completely losing track of his argument. “That’s not –“ 

“Hey. Hero”, he said, leaving his seat on the curb. Spider-man stumbled back a little. Deadpool could make himself look so tall. “Why don’t you do yourself a favour and stop comparing yourself to me?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "Are you so keen in rejecting my feelings to the point that you've been avoiding any conversation with me for months?"

“Hi.”

Peter’s eyes widened, suddenly noticing the shadow cast from a tall figure standing behind him. It offered some shelter, Peter’s head no longer being pelted by the rain. 

“Hi”, was all Peter could say in return. As cold as he felt. 

“Freak weather we’re having”, the man said, with a weak smile.

Peter couldn’t stand this. Months of radio silence. Months of _nothing_. His hands balled into fists, the hero fighting the urge not to sock the man in the jaw. He comes back and all he has to offer is _small talk?_

“Comes and goes.” Peter bit.

Everything was silent again, except the unrelenting assault of rain on concrete. Peter tucked his hands in his arms. They were freezing. He had already turned his gaze away from the tall figure, shrouded in shadow.

“You were gone, Wade.” Peter breathed out, shivering. “You disappeared.”

Wade didn’t know what to do or say. Peter looked so cold. He wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around him like a blanket. Pull him in close against his body. Keep him warm. Wade’s hands twitched, hovering at his sides.

“I’m sorry.” Words that stumbled out of Wade’s mouth before he even registered them. He screwed his eyes shut immediately after saying it, feeling utterly stupid.

Sorry wouldn’t cut it. Sorry meant nothing. “Sorry”, at that moment in time, was the _worst_ word ever conceived in the entirety of the english language. Peter was fuming, and Wade was thankful he couldn’t see every shade of heartbreak on Peter’s face through the mask Peter wore.

“Are you so keen in rejecting my feelings to the point that you’ve been avoiding any conversation with me for months? _Months_ , Wade? You just – you just – “ Peter hesitated, a twinge of pain overtaking him as he recalled their last meeting.

Their first and, though Peter hadn’t imagined it to be, last kiss.

“…then you _disappear_ into the wind.”

It was at this moment, Peter realised Wade wasn’t wearing his mask. Drops of rain trickled down his face.

“I – I couldn’t…” Wade began, eyes downturned.

Peter inched closer. “…Couldn’t see us together?”

“Couldn’t…” Wade muttered, “…couldn’t let myself pull you into my big fat _greek tragedy_ of a life.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "Do you want to cuddle?"

“Do you want to cuddle?” 

“Wade, exactly  _where,_  in our short and troubled history together, would you get the impression that I’d _ever_. Want. To cuddle.” 

“Well,” Wade rubbed his hands together, (due to the temperatures, and not because he was scheming a nefarious plot like Peter may interpret it). “I don’t know if you’re wearing some top-of-the-line thermal undies under those pyjamas of yours, but from the looks of it, you could use the extra body heat.”

“I’m fine.” Peter bit. His arms were folded tightly, hugging his torso. He walked on ahead, leaving the mercenary to catch up. “The sooner we find this guy the sooner we can go our separate ways, to our _separate_ mugs of hot cocoa, in  _separate_ ends of Manhattan.” 

“If I offered to pay for the hot cocoa could we make it a date?” 

“No”, Peter stopped walking abruptly, Wade bumping into his back. “No. Wade. And you know why? Because I don’t go on dates with mercenaries who buy hot cocoa with the money they got from the same criminal scumbags I’ve spent the last month tracking.” 

“Look!” Wade said, pointing like a child points at a mascot at Disneyland. “There’s a hot cocoa stand right there! My treat.” 

“Do you just, like, choose not to hear anything I say?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Peter is a model and Wade is a photographer.

“Well isn’t this a role reversal”, Wade teased, “Peter Parker, in front of the camera instead of behind it. Give me some angles, Mr Parker!”

Peter shielded his face with every snapshot, Wade groaning in disappointment at all the resulting photographs. 

“You gotta work with me here, Petey.”

“Give me my camera back.” Peter grumbled, trying to snatch it back out of Wade’s hands. “Film’s expensive.”

“Wouldn’t be a problem if you’d go digital.” Wade snapped a photo. He thinks he’s got an eyebrow in this time. “Look at me, I’m Peter Parker. I’m a hipster. My camera’s three times my age, and so’s my fashion sense.”

“God, I hate you so much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “How do you mess up making hot dogs?”

“How do you mess up making hot dogs?” 

“They’re perfectly edible, Peter. Just a little… brutalised.” Wade winced, looking down at the sad, exploded hot dogs lain on the plate. 

Fallen soldiers. 

Wade grimaced. “This triggers my pain receptors, somehow.” 

Peter sighed. “You know you’re meant to pierce the skin before you put them in the microwave, Wade.” 

“I’m sorry I’m not naturally aware of hotdog law, Dr Frank-N-Furter! Could we  _not_  talk about piercing skin? I’m already feeling queasy.” 

“We’ll bury them in mustard, you won’t even see them.” 

“Here. I can’t –” Wade said, choked up, thrusting the plate in Peter’s direction, “– I can’t look at them anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Deadpool is so happy to see Spidey that he cuddles him hard when they meet on a rooftop but totally misinterprets Spidey's attempts to escape

“Peter was just about ready to head home when he heard a shout from behind him. Peter weighed out his options in that second. Turn around and face it, or leap right off the rooftop immediately, pretending not to hear the madman presently calling out his name. 

The decision slipped right out of his hands when he was pulled into a hug from behind, the larger man folding around him like a warm blanket. 

Of course, spider-sense is useless against surprise hugs.  _Useless_. 

“Deadpool.” Spider-man said. He didn’t need to look to know. Maybe it was the stink of his suit. The muscular structure of his arms. Or it could just be that Deadpool was the only one person crazy enough to initiate a surprise cuddle session with someone who could crush a man’s bones in his hands like dead leaves. 

“I was so worried after our last team-up – you looked wrecked.”

“Yeah well, did you look at yourself? You lost both legs.” 

“Which is  _why_  I couldn’t chase after you when you disappeared. Which was super rude, by the way. No _good bye_ , no  _same time next week_?” 

“Too focused on like, not bleeding out, I guess.” 

“But you’re okay now? All healed up? I’m not disturbing an injury am I? Does it hurt when I squeeze like –” 

“I’m  _fine._ ” Peter insisted, wriggling in Wade’s grasp. “That doesn’t mean this hug is welcomed at all, and if you wouldn’t mind I’d like it if you’d –” 

Wade’s grip remained so firm that Peter’s attempts to turn just meant they wound up chest to chest, Peter’s cheek pressed tight against Wade’s neck. 

“Grh”, was all that Peter could mumble out. 

“Aw, this is nice. Isn’t this nice? Usually whenever I hug anyone I get slapped. One time I had my head blown up, can you believe that? This is nice.” 

Peter sighed, smothered by Wade’s embrace. He could rip Wade in half right now. But he really didn’t want to. He really, really didn’t.

With a little strength, he managed to pry himself from Wade’s arms enough that they could face each other. “This  _is_  nice, Wade. But could you – let me go?”

Peter saw Deadpool’s usual ditzy expression fall, noticeable even through the mask. “Sure – of course, yeah.” Wade blurted, withdrawing quickly. “Sorry. Know you’re not a hugger. Appreciate you not slapping me. Wouldn’t have minded getting slapped by you, though. Something I’ve always dreamt about.” Wade could never stop talking in an awkward situation. Peter knew this. 

“I could slap you if you want.” 

“Would you really? That would be  _amazing_.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Peter slaps Wade

“Do you want it hard?” 

“Oh, baby”, Wade said, eyes shut and clearly imagining the line in a different context. Peter should’ve slapped him for real.

“You know what, I feel dirty about this. I take it back, I’m not doing it.” Peter started lowering his hand. 

“Please! You’ll really be making my dreams come true here, webs. Hit me, please. Make it sting.” Wade pleaded, sticking out his chin towards the hero, leaning down a little in the process to grant Peter the perfect angle. “I can’t wait to write all about this on my blog – Oh! On  _Twitter!_  We have 280 characters now. Though I’ll need at least 840 to get down everything I’m feeling –” 

Peter’s eyes were screwed tight as his hand started the motion. But his eyes shot open just as his hand reached 5 millimetres from the mercenary’s face. 

It was a tap. Peter’s hand made nothing but a tap noise as it grazed Wade’s cheek. A caress.

Peter wordlessly withdrew his hand, his own face burning. 

Wade brought his own hand to the cheek that had been “struck”, as though it actually had been. 

“Wow. Being hit by you feels exactly like falling in love.” Wade said, dumbly. 

“Shut up.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "Oh God Wade, please wake up."

“Oh god, Wade – please,  _please_  wake up.”

Wade’s body was colder than Peter had ever felt it. Limp. Lifeless. Wade wasn’t in there anymore, at least not in that moment. Wade was somewhere else. Peter couldn’t imagine where.

In the years he’d known Deadpool –  _lived_  with Deadpool – he had never seen Wade actually die.

Wade had told him about it. About death. About being dead. Wade had always talked about it as though it were something romantic. Something exotic.

Peter couldn’t wrap his head around the concept.

He was a rational thinker, Peter Parker. It didn’t add up in his head that Wade could’ve truly felt death.  _Deadpool doesn’t die_ , Peter had assured himself,  _he heals immediately, and what Deadpool sees is just a product of his unconscious mind_. And he believed it, and it gave him solace, until the moment he pulled Wade Wilson out from under the rubble, carrying the man – the corpse – in his arms. Dead.

Half of Peter wanted to throw up, and the other half – the half that wound up victorious – wanted to cry.

He’d been here before. Desperately pressing his ear against a chest, praying to any deity or otherworldly force that would listen, that he would hear a heartbeat.

He’d been here with Gwen.

Hot tears stained Peter’s face as he buried his forehead in Wade’s shoulder, trying not to make a sound. Wade would wake up, Peter tried to reason. Wade would wake up, and laugh at Peter for being so ridiculous. He’d wake up.

“Please… wake up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “Oh my god, were you shot?”

“Wade! Wade, you were amazing. When you had that guy on the underside of your boot, and said that line – Like –” Peter put on a gruff voice, in an absurd impersonation of Wade (that Wade himself found  _adorable_ ),  “ _Looks like I stepped in a piece of shit again_. Bringing out the classics. God, I got  _shivers_ , Wade! When we get home I’m gonna – Wade. Wade you listening?” 

A few metres away Peter heard a whine that was distinctly Wade.

“Ng–yeah, babe. I’m listening. Talk to me.” A wince. “Tell me all about what you’re gonna do when we get home.” A clatter of a small piece of metal on the floor. “Fuck. Fucking. Ass. Fuck.” He spat, before adding, “Y’might have to carry me there, though.” 

When Peter caught sight of Wade, on the ground, back propped up against a crate, he dropped everything. 

“Oh my god, were you shot?” Peter said, voice high with worry.  He knelt beside the man, a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

“Yg… yeah. I’m shot.“ Wade grunted. Blood stained his hands and a small scalpel that he’d used to remove the bullets that had been embedded in his thigh. He threw his head back dramatically. “Go on without me.” 

Peter sighed, carefully lifting Wade in his arms. 

“Tell my wife I love her.” Wade continued, hand draped over his forehead to add to the performance. 

“You don’t have a wife.” Peter said, pressing a kiss to Wade’s cheek. 

Wade’s grin was wide, and a coquettish whimper came with it. 

“But you got me.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “I’m ashamed of being seen in public with you. You’re so embarrassing.”

“Wade.” Spider-man said roughly, between his teeth. Trying not to draw attention to himself, all the while drawing attention to himself. “Code pink.” 

Deadpool looked at Spider-man, confused at first, before the gears clicked into place. He dropped his weapons, rushing to Spider-man’s aid. The hero’s hands were held firmly at his rear, where his suit was torn to shreds. 

Deadpool shook his head, tutting. “I can’t believe this is such a common occurrence that we actually have a code for it.” 

“This is my life, Wade.” Spider-man said, humiliated but ever able to deliver attitude. “You wanted to be part of it.” 

Deadpool removed his belt, strung with pouches, and slung it low around the hero’s hips. A little bit of coverage is better than none. Through the journey home, Deadpool walked closely behind, shielding the wardrobe malfunction from wandering eyes with soldier-like dedication. 

“I’m ashamed of being seen in public with you.” Deadpool muttered. “You’re so embarrassing.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "would you believe me if I said that this whole situation is some wicked fan writer's bad imagination skills and full on fantasy to show how perfect we are together?"

“Please – stop moving.”

“Why? Is it the friction? Because I can talk about my skin-care routine, and I assure you it’ll be just as effective as a cold shower.”

Spider-man grimaced, visible only through his squinting lensed eyes. “No. What I’m trying to do is pretend you’re not here. Which is difficult to do with your kicking and gyrating and  _please_  would you stop breathing in my ear.”

“Mmh. Sorry.” Deadpool said, breathily, directly in Spider-man’s ear. He shifted his hips again, trying to straighten his back, clearly struggling in the tight space. “No room for Jesus in here.”

“How do we keep getting into these situations?” Spider-man asked, dryly.

“Would you believe me if I said that this whole situation is some wicked fan writer’s bad imagination skills and full on fantasy to show how perfect we are together?“

Spider-man glared.   
  
“So. I’m packed in a 7x3ft wooden box– “

“A literal shipping crate.” Wade felt it necessary to add.

“ –pressed up against the most  _insufferable_  –“’

“Uncalled for, but tough to dispute.” Wade admitted.

“– man I know, with an elbow jabbed into my stomach, and  _god knows_  what pressed into my thigh– ”

“It’s a gun.” Wade muttered,  “My dick is actually pressed against– “

“ –all because some writer out there is getting off on it? Yeah. That would be the least unbelievable thing I’ve heard all day.”

“Really?” Wade said in relief, “Oh, Spidey! We’re finally on the same page!” Wade shifted his arms as best as he could to initiate something that resembled a hug, despite the restricted movement. “This is why you and I are perfect together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "If you had one day left, what would you do? It's an easy answer...I'd spend it with you"

“I suppose it’s time for those deep, soul-searching questions people ask each other when they  _really_  want to know what’s going on in each other’s heads.” Wade said, arms folded under his head as he and Peter gazed up at the smog-washed New York sky. 

“Shoot.” Peter said, easy. He’d grown to love these directionless conversations he’d have with Wade. It had become a post-patrol routine the two shared. 

“Ice cream or Froyo?” 

Peter shrugged. “Ice cream, I guess. Never got on that Froyo train.” 

“Pirates or Ninja?” 

“Pirates are pretty much all scumbags. Disney films included. Gotta go with the Ninjas.” 

“Oh, you’re one of  _those_  people.” 

Peter scoffed, “What?” 

“Ninja! Ninja is the plural.” 

Peter wrinkled his nose at Wade. “Oh. And you’re one of  _those_  people.” 

Wade grinned, paying a sidewards glance to Peter before turning his gaze back up to the purple sky spread above them. 

“Okay. Big one.” Wade threw, “If you had only one day left, what would you do?” 

Peter thought about it. It was a generic question, something a lot of people have, no doubt, thought about. He tried to think about things he wanted to do. Places he’d want to go. Peter had never left New York, but, he couldn’t imagine wanting to spend his last day anywhere other than the city he was raised in. 

What was there left for him to do? Bungee jump? He’s jumped off every skyscraper; toured the city on a string. He’s experienced things most people never will. What was left?

“What would you do?” Peter asked.

Wade took only a second, before he had his answer ready. 

“I’d spend it with my daughter.” 

Peter felt a twist in his heart. He had a list of answers he might’ve expected from Wade – Mexican Food Binge ( _What?_  One day left? No repercussions.) – High-tail it to Vegas to live his last hours surrounded by sex, money and neon lights (and to see Cher!) – bit of  _both_  – but he wasn’t prepared for Wade’s humble admission. 

Peter thought hard about the people in his life. The people he missed. The people he wanted to see. The people who would want to see him. The list came up shockingly small. The first person that came to mind was his Aunt May, of course, who had been a mother to him. The rest of the people in his life he’d somehow alienated, or lost. 

Peter had been a bit of a loner, all his life. He’d come home to an empty apartment, but the emptiness hardly registered because he was in one minute, out the next, juggling two lives that hardly helped each other. Wade had become a bright spot in an otherwise lonely existence. Peter hadn’t realised it, but he had been starved of having someone to talk to. These evenings had become a lifeline Peter didn’t know he needed. 

Peter breathed in. 

“Don’t make a big deal out of it or anything, but –” 

Wade looked at Peter, perplexed. 

“I think I’d spend it with you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "I said I love you."

“You – you what now?” 

Peter heaved a big sigh. 

“I said I love you.” 

Wade looked to his left, then to his right. He brought his pinky to his ear, overplaying the act of cleaning it, as though he couldn’t be hearing right. 

“Come again?” 

Peter groaned, throwing his head back. Wade was trying to give Peter an out, it was obvious. But Peter wouldn’t give up. 

“I LOVE you!” Peter yelled, hands forming a megaphone around his mouth. “Wade! W! Wilson!” 

Wade moved back like the force of Peter’s words physically knocked him backwards. He looked dumbfounded. 

“Uh, no…” Wade said, in a small, shaky voice. “No no…” he stammered, retreating. “Yo no hablo ingles.” 

“Are you kidding me!” 

“Lo siento. No, no.” Wade tripped over a pile of bricks on the rooftop as he retreated, quickly brushing himself off and making a swift exit down the fire escape, leaping down the stairs, six at a time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “Fight me, you attractive stranger.”

Peter knew he was in for a troubled night when he saw a flash of red pass through the background, taking down trays of entrees in his path. When Peter was invited to photograph this launch, he expected some kind of trouble. With the reputability of the host often called into question, and, of course, the Parker luck, he was prepared for any sort of fiasco to present itself.

What he hadn’t prepared himself for, however, was Deadpool. No one could aptly prepare themselves for _that_.

Peter tugged his collar, finger dipping under the elastic of his suit. His eyes darted to either side of him, contemplating disappearing to let Spider-man deal with the situation, but as he watched the mercenary enter the restroom, Peter hightailed it, more concerned about the man being currently out of his supervision.

Peter’s mind ran through all the worst-case scenarios.

Plant a bomb? Maybe. Or maybe he followed a particular someone, and currently has a knife to their throat – or maybe he’s giving them a swirly. Nothing was off the table.

Peter slipped through the door and was faced with a man clad in red, armed to the teeth, knelt over a urinal and vomiting profusely.

“Uh.” Peter blinked.

“Whatever you do,” Deadpool said in a groan, “don’t eat the entrees.”

Peter stood in place for a while, attention shifting between Deadpool and the door, unsure whether to grant the mercenary privacy or press on with the questioning. His mouth opened and closed, words failing him.

“Anything will do that to you if you eat upwards of twenty of them.” Peter finally replied.

“Oh?” Deadpool said, wiping his mouth on the sleeve of his suit, which Peter grimaced at. “Have you been watching me?”

Peter stepped backwards as Deadpool approached him, unsure what lie to lay down to defend himself. “Maybe.” Peter said. “Maybe it’s my business to keep an eye on you.”

Deadpool’s brow quirked at that. His white eyes examined Peter, toe to head, for long enough for Peter to feel a little embarrassed. 

“You’re too small to be security.” He reasoned, “Using my brilliant skills of deduction, you must be a photographer. On account of the fact that you’re… carrying a camera. Unless you usually bring a camera in with you when you’re in public restrooms, and hey, I’m not going to judge, but that habit is going to get you in trouble someday –”

“I know enough about you to know you being here means someone’s going to die.” Peter spoke up firmly. “And I can’t let that happen.”

“Oh, you’re giving me shivers, dude.” Deadpool said, almost infatuated.

He unsheathed a knife from a holster on his thigh.

“Fight me, you attractive stranger.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ”Wait, when did I take off my clothes?”

Peter stirred to the sound of a voice mumbling at the other end of the room. 

“…never have house guests… really should’ve stocked the fridge before –– Oh! There he is! I was worried you’d entered a coma. On my couch. Though it wouldn’t be the first time that –“ 

“…morning.” Peter said, brain still on stand-by. He didn’t even try to process the words being thrown at him. His ears were full of static. 

Peter was sure a million questions would bubble out of him like an over-boiled pot, once his consciousness fully returned. 

When Peter moved to sit up, every muscle in his body twinged in retaliation. Giving up immediately, he sank back into the couch. 

“Did I die?” Peter croaked. 

“Close.” Wade said, placing a wet towel on Peter’s still-masked forehead. “Too close.” 

Peter shut his eyes, focusing on the cooling sensation. His mind, too, was full of static. 

“Where am I”, Peter asked, tiredly. He didn’t yet have the energy to panic. 

“Mi casa.” Wade gestured grandly to the sad apartment around them. It looked like it had been recently vacated, with stained walls marred with stray nails. Peter noticed, with the way their voices echoed in the space, that the apartment was painfully empty. 

“You have a house?” He snorted, “I thought you sprouted out of hell just to torment me.” 

“More like I’m your _guardian angel_.” Wade said, hands on hips. “I saved your life. You’re welcome.” 

Peter shifted, with a grimace. “Angels can come from hell too.” 

As Peter’s body finally gathered the strength to sit up, leaving the warmth of the fleece blanket Wade had wrapped around him, a chill reached his skin. 

Peter pulled the blanket back to his chest, flushed.

“…When – when did I take off my clothes?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "I lost our child."

“I lost our child.”  


“You what!” Peter said, in a momentary panic. 

“I looked in her bed, and…” Wade stated his case like he were on trial. “I searched _everywhere!_ I don’t know where she went, Pete!” 

Peter rushed to calm Wade, his strong hands a needed anchor on Wade’s shoulders. 

“Let’s just calm down a second, it’s important not to panic, just –“ Peter consoled.

Until he realised.

“Wade.” 

“…yes?” 

“We don't”, Peter raised his voice in exasperation, “ _have_ a child!” 

“Meow.” Came a muffled voice from the kitchen. Then a scrape and a scuffle. “Meooow.” It came again, more urgent. 

Wade’s face lit up immediately. 

“Baby! Daddy’s coming!” Wade sang, running to the sound. 

Peter had long given up any semblance of sanity when he had started dating Wade. Instead of grumble, he followed after him. 

Rex scampered out of the cupboard with a grateful trill, immediately circling the two, probably expecting dinner. 

“Our child”, Peter said, deadpan. “A fat, flea-bitten kitty cat. Too stupid to get out of a cupboard on her own.” 

“I blame the father,” said Wade. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a prompt @spidcy on tumblr!


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “The skirt is supposed to be this short.”

“It –” Peter coughed, throat suddenly very tight. “It rides up a little, doesn’t it? Did you try a size bigger?” **  
**

“No wonder you can’t keep a date,” said Wade, cooly, “if you’d honest to god say something like _did you try a size bigger_ to them.”

Wade popped his leg forward, hands fiddling with the pleated hem of the skirt.

“I thought it was cute…” Wade muttered as his hands guided Peter’s to rest on his hips.

His hands then continued to guide Peter’s southwards, dipping under the soft fabric.

“…And it’s meant to be this short, Einstein.”

“I didn’t realise you were that kind of girl.” Peter said, dumbly.

“Peter Parker.” Wade said, looking back at Peter with a tilt of his head. “You have _no idea_ what kind of girl I am.”


End file.
